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Deep Fried Mars Bar




Scotland, it turns out, has the highest incidents of heart disease, cancer, and strokes in the developed world. Much of that can probably be traced to what has become, in the last decade, Scotland's de facto national dish: the deep fried Mars bar. They seem to go for about a pound forty.


The origins of the DFMB are cloudy and getting cloudier as the treat grows in popularity on the continent. The BBC believes it originated in north-eastern Scotland, possibly the Haven Chip Shop in Stonehaven (a town near Aberdeen legendary for its chip shops). The Haven Chip Shop has recently gone out of business. In any regard, the Germans just love the suckers. They'll soon claim it was a dish first enjoyed by the Franks during their invasio ... err migration to Gaul.


Recently, the unthinkable happened. A Scottish-born French chef introduced it onto the menu of a Parisian restaurant. French culinary masters have been united in their condemnation of the chef's menu addition, pronouncing the dish dégoutant (disgusting). Although they should not have been very surprised. The chef had previously offered such dishes as chocolate-filled ravioli and chicken sautéed in 7 Up. They were noticeably silent on those additions to the French oeuvre.






1 well-chilled Mars bar (Twix or an infernal American candy bar will sub in ... I'm told the American Milky Way bar is similar)

1 egg

1 cup milk

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 cup flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 dash o' salt




Mix egg, milk, vegetable oil, flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Whisk well. Cover and chill. Heat about 4 cups of frying oil in a pot. Place the Mars bar in the chilled batter. Drop the battered bar into the oil and cook until the outside is golden brown.


Dry it with a paper cloth and let cool a bit before eating. You can add like a dash of cinnamon and some whip cream if you need the extra calories. But just make sure you let it cool. That sucker can be hot. Remember hot melted chocolate and hot melted Mars goo stick to the roof of the mouth. If it begins to burn, wash down it down with a swig o' Irn-Bru.


I will not be held responsible by anyone killed or made fatter by this recipe.


 -- Karl Mamer







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