************************************************************** * * * CYBERSPACE * * A biweekly column on net culture appearing * * in the Toronto Sunday Sun * * * * Copyright 1999 Karl Mamer * * Free for online distribution * * All Rights Reserved * * Direct comments and questions to: * * * * * ************************************************************** So you've discovered the magic world of Internet Relay Chat (IRC)? You've found a channel like #toronto or #ontario. Now you want to make friends, both online and maybe even in Real Life. So what do you do? You decide to type in all caps "ANY CUTE GIRLS WANNA CHAT WITH ME?" No one responds. You type it again and again and again. Suddenly you're kicked from the channel by one of the operators ("ops") and you're banned. Guess what? You didn't make any friends. It never ceases to amaze me that people who've been able to figure out how to use a computer and connect with the net can lack anything approaching a basic ability to communicate with another human being. IRC can be intimidating. A channel may have dozens of conversations going at once, there's a cast of regulars who act like they own the channel (technically, an op does own the channel), and it's difficult to get anyone to notice you. No wonder some assume the best way to get noticed is by being boorish. It's not actually difficult to get noticed and maybe even meet that woman or man of your dreams. But it requires a modicum of patience. Below are some tips on winning friends and influencing people on IRC. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Start with "Hello" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A simple hello is always a good way to begin any conversation. Bear in mind not everyone is going to scramble to say hello to you. Some people really do have all the friends (real and virtual) they can manage. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Lurk for a while ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Get a sense of the channel's attitude before you jump into the fray. Are the users wild and crazy or are they polite and restrained? Some groups have policies that restrict certain behaviors. For example, swearing or overt attempts at picking up women might be frowned upon. Many channels have web pages which list these policies. It's not always clear where you can find these web pages, however. Don't be afraid to ask. And if you get booted for a violation, don't take it personally. Rejoin the group and offer an apology. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Laugh ---------------------------------------------------------------------- IRC'ers can be an amusing lot. If someone says something funny, let him or her know. You'll see people type "LOL" which stands for "laughing out loud." It's amazing how much people will warm up to you if they think they amuse you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Offer help ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Lots of people on IRC need help. Sometimes the best way to jump into a conversation is to offer advice or information. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ask a question ---------------------------------------------------------------------- People like to feel knowledgeable. Are you curious if the latest summer block buster is any good or if anyone knows a good place to go for tapas? Go ahead and ask. Sometimes the questions we ask tell people more about us than the comments we make. You might find someone with a common interest this way. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Remember small details ---------------------------------------------------------------------- People will talk about the most trivial things on IRC: they're freaking out over a stats exam or they've been searching for the lyrics to a particular ABBA song. Next time you see a user, ask how the exam went or if he or she ever found the song lyrics. People also like to feel like they're memorable. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't be stupid ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The stupidest thing you can ask is "any cute girls want to chat with me?" It's stupid for two reasons. 1) Does anyone think they're not attractive? 2) Men far out number women online. Announcing you're a connoisseur of attractive females doesn't really set you apart. Try to be interesting. Desperate, monosyllabic men really aren't as attractive to women as we may think.