Conversations with a Nigerian Bank Scammer

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The Marco Letters

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Introduction

arco appeared to be trying to run this scam from South Africa. I get most of the scam letters to my Yahoo mail account. When I get them, I forward them to a hotmail account under the assumed name of "Tony Morell" (me9000@hotmail.com). From that hotmail account I always send the same initial response: OH MY GOD TELL ME HOW I CAN HELP YOU!

____________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: kmamr@yahoo.com <Karl Mamer>

Hello

I wish to contact you for mutual business transaction, which will be of great benefit to both of us. I have a total amount of US$23.7million, which my LATE father saved for me for my future investment before his death. I need your assistance to transfer this money into one of your account for investment purposes, Please do not hesitate to contact me on my direct mobile number with country code 27-83-517-4002, or send me e-mail. On your favorable quick response, I will furnish you with detailed information. Terms regarding your benefit for your assistance will be reached in agreement.

Yours faithfully,

Marco Carlos

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

OH MY GOD TELL ME HOW I CAN HELP YOU!

___________________________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

Dear Tony,

Thanks very much for your response.

I want you to assist me to transfer to your account the entire said fund for investment purposes. Every arrangement has been made on how the fund will be transferred to any account out of South Africa.

The said fund is life and future of my family of which I am being very careful with it. Already I have a financial expert who is a top bank official here and according to him you are required to proceed down here for this transaction. On your arrival here we are going to open an account where the fund will be deposited first before onward transfer to your account in any part of the world. My financial expert will surely assist us to have a smooth transaction I really have confidence with him for that.

At the moment the said fund was in the safe boxes of private Security Company where my late father insured and deposited them on my name for safe keeping and the Security Company is not aware of the true content of the boxes because my father declared the content of the boxes as precious metal. I have every related document and only me have the SECRET CODE to open the strong boxes. When you arrive here we will go together with my financial expert to the Security Company to clear the boxes.

I will give you 10% of the total money for your assistance and the remaining 90% will be for my family investment in your country. Is it acceptable by you? Can you assist us in areas of investment in your country? What kind of company do you have? I am 25yrs old I have two sisters with my mother what about you? Can I reside in your country with my family after this transaction? What is the taxation costs in your country? Please feel free to ask any question you may consider relevant and treat as very urgent and secrecy.

Waiting to hear from you soon.

Regards,

Marco Carlos

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: foot baller <footballer982000@yahoo.com>

| The said fund is life and future of my family of which

| I am being very careful with it.

That's great!

| strong boxes. When you arrive here we will go together

| with my financial expert to the Security Company to

| clear the boxes.

Understood!

| I will give you 10% of the total money for your

| assistance and the remaining 90% will be for my family

| investment in your country. Is it acceptable by you?

Can you make it 15%?

| Can you assist us in areas of investment in your

| country? What kind of company do you have?

I own a bowling alley.

| Can I reside in your country with my family after this

| transaction?

The USA gives visas to those willing to invest the kinds of money you will have.

| What is the taxation costs in your country?

It's not bad.

| Please feel free to ask any question you may consider

| relevant and treat as very urgent and secrecy.

I fully understand.

___________________________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

Dear Tony,

The 10% as mapped out is it not acceptable to you? How old are you? How soon can you be here for this transaction? Waiting to hear from you as as possible.

Warm regards,

Marco Carlos

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

Well the thing is, this is a god send no doubt about that, as I was planning to sell my bowling alley for $2 million. I need $5 million to invest in a once-in-a-life-time opportunity here in America. It's a free range pitbull farm. Certainly high risk but the rewards can only be greater raising happy pitbulls without fences constraining their movements. You know many people consider pitbulls to be nothing more than snarling beasts but, as I'm sure a man of your mind will agree, pitbulls are a gentle breed. Yes, indeed. I have three of them myself: Spanky, Cranky, and Tralfaz. Tralfaz is a bit of a bad boy actually. He doesn't like strangers but he's good with the grandkids. He would surely tear a stranger's throat straight out of his neck but he's a big ol' suck when the grandkids pet him. I'd enjoy introducing you to my dogs. Don't worry about being a stranger. The secret is to rub yourself with some meat. Almost any North American meat is fine but if you have different meat in South Africa, like puma or ibex meat, I would not advise that. Seriously.

Would you like some pictures of my dogs? I could email you some pictures of my dogs. As future business partners you should know about my dogs.

Back to the matter at hand. As you can see, selling my bowling alley will only net me $2 million. My plan was to park the money in an Internet tech stock fund (do you have the Internet there in South Africa? It's a new thing, it's great, lets me talk with my aunt...) until it grew to the needed capital. However, a 15% cut of your generous offer will surely place me in that target figure. I could more quickly realize my life long dream of being the leading breeder of the finest pitbulls in America and maybe even Australia. Have you been to Australia to inspect their kennels? They have interesting techniques. Wonderful country Australia although they have gun control which I think is both wrong and silly. I collect guns. Enjoying nature without my deer rifle is unknown to me. In Australia they call their nature "the outback" (that's not a restaurant there but a very large place... bigger than Texas and with more rabbits). When I return to Australia again I won't return to the outback. I hurt my leg there. Dingo accident you understand. Dingo is a wild dog and contrary to popular belief they eat less children than even pitbulls. It's a funny name "dingo". The Australians have many funny ways of saying things. Here let me take a moment to instruct you on some Australian expressions should you visit that nation.

TRADITIONAL ENGLISH	AUSTRALIAN
Hello.	Right bonzer on the wallaby mate! Hoist a lager 'n' sing one right Waltzing Matilda til the 'roos shat on the churchie steps of ol' sweet Adelaide.
How are you?	Knocker but ballsy is tan-a-bing-a-long say what ya mate right crock-a-diller?
I'm doing well.	Puddle me ta Mackers up six ways til ma Shelly roots in a bill-a-bong. Gainsay, chazwozer, who dare!

Interesting certainly? How do you say "hello" in that South African language you speak yes? You know how the Norwegians say hello? They say "Hei". Yeah, like "hi". Hardly worth learning a language different from English if your "hello" is just "hi" like we say here. Do they say "hi" in South Africa? Are people friendly there? Do they have McDonald's? Do you use the metric system? What do they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese there? I never liked the metric system. It's all based on the number ten. Weather is warmer when measured in Fahrenheit. Or seems that way. I don't get up until the sun is warm anyway. It's the bowler in me, you understand. What time does the sun get warm in South Africa?

Anyway, I learned a lot of interesting things in Australia about kennels, dingos, leg doctors, and their interesting way of saying things. It was nearly worth the injury to my leg. Christ's blood, I've had so many operations on this leg of mine yet it still gives me the holy pain. It would not be so bad if I still had my wife to rub my leg but she left me for this Egyptian fellow she met online. Egypt is pretty far from South Africa? When I visit there I can imagine the danger of running into her would be slim. Actually my leg is not so bad as it only hurts when it rains. Is South Africa a dry country? I can't say I've traveled very far aside from Australia (my wife did not go with me). My only other real "far" trip -- besides Australia of course and now my future trip to South Africa (You said South Africa and not South America right? One's a country and one is a continent but things change so much with NAFTA, which is ruining the bowling alley trade, that maybe South America has become one nation) -- was to Minnesota. I visited my Aunt there (in Minnesota not South Africa/America). This was before the accident with my leg. My aunt is a wealthy woman and she helped me start in the bowling alley trade with several loans, many of which I've started paying back (another reason for asking for 15% because I owe my aunt). My aunt doesn't think a free range pitbull farm is a sound investment (her advice can be good as she bought 30,000 shares of MSFT at $25 in 1984).

Are we in agreement?

___________________________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

Dear Tony,

I now understand why you need the 15% in that regard I have accepted with you but you have so much parables that I dont understand we really need to face facts. Please tell me how old are you? How soon can you be here for this transaction? Waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

| you have so much parables

Parables is a word I find a lot in the Bible... your using it tells me you are a religious man. I feel I can trust you as you can always trust a religious man, unless he's Catholic or Irish. Allow me, if I may, Marco, quote some of The Bible that I think will help us get a better grasp on how to move forward on this issue of securing your reward and me getting my agreed upon 15% (yes?).

(I quote here John 3:10-15, the King James bible. James was Scottish and not Irish so this can be taken as truth and not the words of the Irish. An Irish man -- my ex-best friend -- robbed my wife of her virginity before our wedding night. Do you have Irish in South Africa?)

"Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things? Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness. If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things? And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. "

The first time I laid eyes on those words was visiting Graceland. This was (or is) the home of Elvis. Have you heard of Elvis in South America? I say *is* since Elvis may still be alive (if you rearrange the letters in Elvis you get Lives, which was very clever of his mother to name him that knowing he might fake his own death in the future). I fear I'm getting off topic again. I was going to speak about zombies but I realize that's a Haitian thing not a South African thing. As I said I first laid eyes on these words at Graceland but even saying "laid eyes" I misspeak as really I first "heard" these words being preached by a man on the sidewalk outside of Graceland. Since he had a sign (really, a piece of cardboard from a box) that said "John 3:15" (technically it said "John 3:15" written under "Property of Mayfair Moving" -- I want to be fully honest with you here) I was able to later look it up (2 weeks later) and I guess then technically that was the first time I truly laid eyes on this passage.

Verily.

| that I dont understand we really need to face facts.

Verily. Errr... if it would not be too much trouble, Marco, could you refresh me as to the nature of this deed, nearly a Christian deed, we shall jointly carry out to secure your future, your family's good future, and my pitbull farm? As I understand it, you have nearly $24 million dollars in a bank vault and I shall get 15% (yes?) helping you. This is $24 million American dollars? Pardon what may seem like skepticism but it is not. Skeptics believe in evolution. I, sir, do not. The fish on the back of my pickup truck is testament to that. It's just I long assumed the only dollars in the world were American dollars but when I was visiting my aunt in Minnesota she showed me money from Canada. Canadians call their money dollars as well but it is only worth half of an American dollar. You know, Canada has a whole country up there above (that is north) of Minnesota? They use their own money called dollars. To differentiate it from American dollars they called their dollar "the crazy" or something like that. Actually their dollar isn't even a paper bill like a real dollar but a coin. "That will be 5 crazies for a Big Mac" they say. They do have McDonald's there, which is good. Please advise me on the status of McDonald's in your nation of South America.

| Please tell me how old are you?

Let me say this, Marco, I stopped counting after 55. I'm told I look older than 55 but I do not feel like my life has moved beyond 40. In fact, sometimes I feel like my life was better when I was 35. I was just starting in the bowling alley trade and married to my wife. I should have stopped counting after 33. Our savior stopped counting after age 33. 33 is a magic number one strangely adopted by the Masons and the One World Government. Did you know, for example, 33 minutes after Apollo 11's landing on the moon Buzz Aldrin (a known "Freemason") conducted a quiet ceremony to the goddess Isis (an Egyptian goddess -- more Egyptian treachery, surely, like the man that romanced my wife)? This has been a fact proven 10,000 times by the leading journalists yet it's ignored by NASA and the Florida space museum in Florida. It occurs to me now that half of 33 is 16 (at least). I realize our agreement is 15% of your father's money but would it be possible to go as high as 16%? I'm happy to continue with our Christian mission (although I'm certain when we return to America and you begin your life here investing in Internet tech funds it shall become a full fledge crusade!) for the 15% agreed upon (yes?) amount but I feel 16% (being half of 33) would be in keeping with the blessing that this is for me and you and your family (you said you had a sister?).

| How soon can you be here for this transaction?

How soon is now? Is it currently ibex hunting season there? Can I bring my deer rifle to South America?

Allow me to end this email with another Biblical quote that I think is wise:

Luke 16:11-13 (same bible -- King James -- we are lucky our Lord wrote in English)

"If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is your own? No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

___________________________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

Tony,

You are filled up with politics does not really mean

you are a cut guy. It can really make you insinuate nagatively.

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

| You are filled up with politics does not really mean you are

| a cut guy. It can really make you insinuate nagatively.

Marco, my good and soon to be prosperous friend, you have correctly intimated from my writings on religion and Elvis that indeed, like you, I whole heartily agree that the separation of church and state is both unnatural and ungodly. We are brothers in so many ways, the least of which is our joint desire to restore your family fortune to you (for a 16% cut was it?).

Let me further suggest (although as business partners I allow some room for your disagreement on this issue) that the very idea of democracy itself is against the revealed word of God. I have done a very careful search of the Bible (the King James version of which I spoken many times) and found a most stunning revelation.

The word "king" appears in no less than 2079 verses of the Bible yet "president", "senator", and "congress" do not appear in one single verse. Even in the Pauline epistles!

Should you doubt me, consider 1 Samuel 8:22

"And the Lord said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king."

Clearly God intends man to live under a King. I'm heartened that not only are you a Christian (and not Irish) but as Art Buchwald revealed in the movie "Coming to America" Africa is ruled by great and wise kings. Have you seen this movie? I might lend you my Beta copy when I arrive in South Africa. Please advise me on what kind of home entertainment system you have. Has DVD reached Africa?

I've been doing much research on your nation (South Africa, correct?) but I've come up with little in the way of information on ibex hunting (or recipes), gun laws, and whether your McDonald's are similar to the kind I'm used to here. Please advise me.

I've been trying to locate an acceptably priced airplane ticket to South Africa. Direct flights to Johannesburg are hard to come by and the few that are offered are very expensive (Priceline.com rejected my offer of $300). This is outrageous considering the quality of the in-flight entertainment offered. Some airlines actually charge an additional $5 fee for a headset to watch the movie. I don't even want to discuss what airports charge for parking. I think sometimes I generate too many negative ideas in my emails with you, which you have surely noted. Our mission is a positive mission, namely to restore your family's fortune (for a 16% cut?) and bring you to America as my business partner.

What kinds of funds should I bring to South Africa? Is $50,000 too little?

Regarding my flight. A guide book I spent most of my time reading last night in Barnes & Noble advised a cheaper airfare can be had if you land on St. Helena and take a shuttle. It's similar to landing at Newark airport instead of JFK. One has to balance time/money. As I've already sold my bowling alley, I appear to have time.

Have you traveled anywhere besides South Africa and if so did you use the airport at St. Helena? Are the bathrooms clean? Many people your age enjoy Europe. You are still 25? We have been conducting this correspondence for so long now I fear you've gotten older. When is your birthday? I myself have never had a taste for Europe. In fact, I'm highly dubious about the way Europeans conduct themselves, despite a full knowledge of the American way of life.

I can only surmise much of Europe (and Egypt) is under the grips of some shadowy force that restricts Europeans from enjoying the very freedoms we (we Americans and you too when you arrive here with your family and your sister) enjoy. Consider, Americans are free to watching 200 television channels. Europeans can only watch 4 channels. American television series (MASH, Punky Brewster) are free to go on for years. Many European television series last only 6 or 12 episodes. Americans are free to own very large refrigerators. Europeans cannot own large fridges. Americans are free to speak English and free to use any of the hundreds of thousands of useful words in that language. Europeans cannot speak English and are forced to converse in languages with only a few thousand words. Americans are allowed to own guns, yet we number in the hundreds of millions. Europeans can't own guns yet their populations are very tiny. What have the Europeans been doing with their people?

Is next Wednesday good for you?

___________________________________________________________

From: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

To: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

Hye Cuteguy,

I am so scared to meet you with this amount of talking. Not even know where to start writing. Well South Africa is not too bad you will be surprised when you arrive here. I cannot offer more than 15% for your assistance. Any day from nextweek will be okay to recieve you here. Can you understand portuguese?

So scared to wait for your reply.

___________________________________________________________

From: me9000@hotmail.com <Tony Morell>

To: footballer982000@yahoo.com <foot baller>

| I am so scared to meet you with this amount of talking.

| Not even know where to start writing. Well South Africa

| is not too bad you will be surprised when you arrive here.

| So scared to wait for your reply.

I earnestly pray you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, but let me tell you, sir, I do not swing that way. Reviewing my previous emails, I can see how one might find my interest in ibex recipes and the travel industry convey some small ambiguity regarding my view on man love. I should further state my directive that you be rubbed with meat before an introduction to my dogs (not a euphemism) was not an offer of male-on-male frottage. This act would take place during daylight hours behind the closed doors of a guest bedroom (not a locker room) with me not present (likely on another floor entirely) and you fully alone. No men would join you in a circle. I would insist you reshroud your moist chest with your shirt before exiting the guest bedroom to greet my dogs. Clearly my interest in hunting and bowling, if anything, are indicative that I'm straight. If you still doubt my words, review my emails and note my subtle yet textually present interest in your sister, surely a demure and tanned woman. This should tip you off that I do not pursue the Sodomic arts!

I will grant you I have not had a lot of success with women since my wife left me for her Egyptian Internet lover (have you found love on the Internet?). At my age, many women are divorced. I thought this was a good thing, as divorced means they are now single. However, as one woman finally told me after I messaged her repeatedly over AOL Instant Messenger asking her on dates "I just divorced a guy like you! Why the hell do I want to go back to that?" It seems a woman's standards only get ratcheted up a notch after a long-term marriage. The court system is unquestionably stacked against men in divorce. In most cases not only are men viewed as little more than open check books when it comes to child custody but women win custody of the washer/dryer. Although washing my clothes in the dishwasher imparts a pleasant lemony smell, there are certain unappealing stains this appliance can't get out (stained clothing I think further handicaps my ability to find a new domestic partner).

A far worse problem than divorced women is the abundance of married women. I have noticed I fall in love with a woman and then discover she's married. I've done this a dozen times in recent months. After many inquiries with male friends, a female customer at the bowling alley said one could look on a woman's finger and if there was a diamond ring, that was a good indication she was married. I've been aware that giving a wedding ring is customary. However, never did it occur to me to actually look at a woman's finger for a wedding ring before falling in love with her. I'm usually so busy looking at her face and body that I don't think to look at her hands. By the time I look at her hands, I'm already in trouble.

| I cannot offer more than 15% for your assistance.

I should inform you, at this juncture, that I've been entertaining an offer from a Nigerian government official to aid him in spiriting a $42.8 million fortune out of his nation. He has readily offered me a 20% cut (after I help him pay a $50,000 bribe to an embassy worker named Juju). He has yet to confirm if these dollars are American dollars or in some other dollar currency like Canadian crazies or Swiss frankies. International finance is not my strong suit but clearly my reputation for being a ready friend (straight friend) to African nationals with secret fortunes is spreading. I suspect my positive review of "A Dry White Season" on the Internet Movie Database ("Four stars! We should bomb these people until they free James Brown! -- me9000@hotmail.com") has placed my email address into circulation. Does Marlon Brando still reside in South Africa?

| Can you understand portuguese?

Marco! How could you lead me astray like this? All this time I have assumed you were of the noble Bantu people and now I discover you are Portuguese? Not being Bantu certainly explains your lack of ready knowledge of ibex hunting, and to a lesser extent, McDonald's. Had you revealed you were Boer I would have been less shocked. Boers are descendants of the Dutch, a most un-Irish like people. Like the Irish language, I consider Portuguese little more than a Catholic dialect! I turn now to my Bible for comfort and find this passage in Genesis 11:7

"...let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech."

Do you see what God is trying to tell us about languages the Catholic Church supports? The precursor to a world government, Babylon Reborn, is a common language. The European Community backed by the Catholic Church and Freemasonry is rapidly moving towards a one world government, a revised Roman Empire. But first they need a universal language, like Espressoronto. Consider other universal languages. Consider a universal computer language. It is rapidly becoming the case, that if you do not have a computer or credit card tied into the universal language of the DOS computer that (and this is direct from revelations) "no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name." As people like Bill Gates and Steven Wozniak build a silicon tower of Babel, you can be certain God will strike. Has He not created, maybe, the computer virus and spam mail to smote the wicked?

Let me ask you, point blank, if this, sir, is your game: Lure me to South Africa, aid you in moving a large sum of money to America, teach me Portuguese, and then involve me in some Catholic plot to control the very things Catholics want to control? As I've noted I have sold my bowling alley and severed most of my contacts in the bowling alley trade so I cannot offer you a public platform to spread your deviant views. Mark my words, I shall not be some Terry Nichols in your shadowy Luciferian plot. As of this writing, consider my trip to South Africa on hold until I can see some paper documentation from you or your "top bank official" regarding this fortune.

Macro, this could have been a good thing if only you were more honest and less Catholic.